So I woke up one day to find myself exhausted beyond belief, yesterday a bomb went off so to speak.
I have just realised I am in a Domestic Violence relationship.
I happened to be off loading to an educator in a toddler Mum’s and Bub play setting, while making cups of tea. I guess I was still processing the newest demand that was made by him, and forgot to censor what came out of my mouth.
I didn’t know it was going to be the moment that changed my life.
She recognised the massive RED FLAGS (see link below ) even before I could finish explaining my
situation, that I’d so obviously missed in my relationship.
This educator was calm and attentive, asked a few questions a bit like a checklist I guess. Then gently jumped to action, acquiring my details and asking me permission if this person could contact and steer me towards help.
Before I knew it I had been hooked up in a system of support; Legal advice, financial assistance, counselling, security and safety, lots of paperwork and answering questions, it was an extremely steep learning curve for me. The enormity of my situation would not truly sink in for quite some time afterwards, I was already completely overwhelmed.
Is this really happening to me? Was going over and over in my head, it was just a blur.
I had to adjust the way I viewed him; everything he had said and done with me was just thrown up in the air. All my excuses were no longer valid. There was a new version that now made sense of what I had experienced and the associated feelings I had been trying to reconcile with myself for years. I had all the facts and details laid out on the table for me to see so to speak, what now
I had a lot to consider, it’s not a simple or easy choice, and despite all these people saying they can help me, the pressure and stress I felt, the reality I faced is I am the only one that could make this massive decision for my family.
The biggest challenge for me was all the while I had to keep this process a secret from my abuser. I had to keep the facade of being oblivious to what I had just learnt and what he really was to me. When in fact the opposite had happened, my blinkers had been removed and I was just horrified in what I saw. It had been such a slow process over time, that I just didn’t realise how far away from my true self I had become, while constantly doubting everything I did and said in that time.
This process was strictly confidential and geared to keeping me safe, to me they seemed. An underground army and need to know basis” but obviously now I understand why they fly under the radar, they are ready to act and assist victims without the perpetrator catching on.
I was not pressured in any way, but I was given a very clear picture of what a DV relationship is and the lasting effects it does have on all family members.
Being informed is powerful.
I just had no idea of the amount of people and services that are all linked to help someone needing to leave a DV relationship. I decided I had to look at my whole life and the choices I had made and experiences that had brought me to this moment. They all had a place in my journey, I have tried to not to have regrets, to be brave and challenge myself, although it would have been nice to avoid some of those pot holes just saying!
I was where you are at now ; beaten down, feeling resigned, defeated feeling I had no way out.
My #2nd step Information and Education
Don’t be afraid to ask a question, there is nothing wrong with arming yourself with knowledge.
We are here to help guide you YOU ARE NOT ALONE.